Speaking (as Joel was) of Friends -- remind me to write my monograph The Blonde from Long Island: Rachel and Images of Jewishness in Friends.

How pathetic do you have to be to be an Don Knotts impersonator?

Terms review.
It's time to revisit these definitions, I'm the man to do it, and this is the place to put 'em. -- Joel

nerd (alt nurd) (n.; adj. nerdly) Person rendered socially undesirable largely thru ignorance, typically of fashion, hygiene, proper social behavior, and the importance of appearance. Often but not necessarily associated with unattractive physical attributes. The nerds: One of the Untouchable castes in high school.

geek (n.; adj. geekish) (from “circus geek”, performer of disgusting, self-torturing stunts, prob. from rhyming contrast with "freak") Person with unusually detailed knowledge about one or more obscure, generally uninteresting fields (e.g., "history geek", "computer geek"). Implication is that such extreme interest in knowledge is suspect and that pursuing the expertise excludes a normal social life. A geek is often also a nerd.

freak (n.; adj. freakish, freaky) (from “freak of nature”, deformed creature, via “circus freak”, a living or preserved specimen of physical abnormality) Person socially unfit due to some behavioral attribute over which they have no control, such as inappropriate outbursts (the "freak out") or permanent confusion. Use for actual disabilities is considered excessively cruel. Since their condition is involuntary, freaks are less reviled than nerds. The freaks: High school students considered mentally unable to participate in the social structure, usually due to habitual drug use.

Am working on thesis. Not as witty as normal.

Okay -- more thoughts on Planet of the Apes. It used to be that writers and directors of films were trying to say something about the world; now they just say something about film (or more broadly, pop culture).

TV Mind Puzzler: The show "Friends" used to be about a group of adorable twenty-somethings learning the lessons of adulthood while forming a substitute family with their adorable peers. Now it's about a bunch of annoying thirty-somethings who deny with increasing desparation their obvious need for therapy. YET THE SHOW HAS NOT CHANGED A BIT...

(OK, that one was kinda lame. I might not post so much off-the-cuff rantery to Adam's Blog, except that I know that only he and I are reading it...)

I actually saw Planet of the Apes last night. Not a bad movie, but it would have been better if I didn't speak english.

Sooprize, sooprize sooprize: I am shocked, shocked that the missile defense test was rigged.

Officials Say Beacon Aids Anti-Missile Test

"Merde!" -- Planet of the Crepes
"Ouch" -- Planet of the Scrapes

Pretzelvis -- the snack Elvis
Shelfvish -- the trayfe Elvis
Jelvis -- the preserved Elvis

"You did it! You shaved your neck!" -- Planet of the Napes
"Where does an 800-pound gorilla sit?" -- Planet of the Japes
"Say, these are as pretty as a party dress!" -- Planet of the Drapes
"You can dupe my MST3K collection if I can dupe your Babylon 5." -- Planet of the Tapes
"I eat and eat and the pounds stay off!" -- Planet of the Tapeworms
"Why are you all staring at me with your mouths hanging open?" -- Planet of the Gapes
"You will serve double secret detention for that, Mr. Potter." -- Planet of the Snapes
"I am the housekeeper." -- Planet of the Shadout Mapes

The Voice of the Turtle ’The exclusive right to maintain pigeon houses and dovecotes is
abolished. The pigeons shall be confined during the seasons fixed by
the community. During such periods they shall be looked upon as
game, and every one shall have the right to kill them upon his own
land.’

Article Two of the decrees of the National Assembly doing away with
feudal privilege, August 4-5 1789.

Turkey testicles, on the other hand, are "the Rolls-Royce of the testicle world," Arnold said.

Planet of the Grapes -- "Take your noble rot off me, you damn, dirty, Reislings."
Planet of the Shapes -- "damn, dirty polygons."

I must say I am disappointed that they have not released the musical Planet of the Apes. "I hate very ape I see, from Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Zee."

The thesis (written part) has now been distributed to the committee.

Why are George Lucas and a Viewmaster alike? Both can write this shit, but you sure can't say it.
--Posted by Harrison Ford

Kelpvis, the seaweed Elvis;
Helvis, the Elvis from Hades;
Melvis, the short-order Elvis;
Elfvis, the Christmas Elvis;
Smelvis, the enormous-nosed Elvis;
Raphaelvis, the Italian Renaissance Elvis.

MORE ELVISES

Inspired by Adam's Elvisiana, a list of the lesser-known Elvii in the world today. We all know about Blelvis, the Black Elvis, and El Vez, the Mexican Elvis. But let us not neglect...

Ailvis, the American Indian Elvis (now changing to Nalvis, the Native American Elvis)
Pilvis, the Pacific Islander Elvis
Chilvis, the Chinese Elvis
Evisso, the Japanese Elvis
Filvis, the Filipino Elvis
Al Vizier, the Arabic Elvis
Quelvis, the Quaker Elvis
Bob, the Canadian Elvis
Snorvis, the Scandinavian Elvis
Gaylvis, the Gay Elvis
El, the Elvis Who Performs on the Subway
Arfis, the Dog Elvis
ALFis, the Alien Elvis
and
Regis, the Moron Elvis.

re: monograms

I know you are making money now, but still, monograms seem excessive. At least consider the savings potential of just having your initials tattooed on your wrists.

What's the difference between George Lucas and a Viewmaster? You can get more than two good pictures out of a Viewmaster.

Would getting the cuffs on my dress shirts monogrammed be really, really obnoxious?

This week's Elvis tidbit -- from The Girls Guide to Elvis

In a 1958 contract with 20th Century Fox there is a notation that the King "can never cut his hair off without our permission."

What's the difference between George Lucas and a Viewmaster?

This article is an analysis of the socio-political implications of Star Trek. Its from the intellectual British magazine The Prospect , a kind of Atlantic Monthly without the irony.

My actual horoscope:

Libra: (Sept. 23--Oct. 23)
No matter how often you administer the damn things, home pregnancy tests continue to remind you that you are male.

"Wasn't it one of your favorite childhood fantasies to have your very own robot from another planet? "

Well, not really. I just wanted to be a real live boy.

Ancient Egyptian priests did not, it turns out, fish people's brains out through their nostrils using a hook. They just poked a hollow tube up their client's nose till it "punctured the tiny porous ethmoid bone between the eye sockets". After that, the fermenting grey jelly inside simply poured out.

Trust me, click here and here.

Hey boys and girls! My blog needs a better, more catchy name. Please email me with ideas (or just good-natured abuse).

Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is over! (The Continuing Crisis)

First the Senate rejected the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty. Then the Chemical Warfare Treaty. Soon we will withdraw from the ABM Treaty. But first, lets reject a biological warfare treaty! Why not! Don't we have robots with ray guns that can zap those little buggers before they get here?

"In our assessment, the draft protocol would put national security and confidential business information at risk," said U.S. chief negotiator Donald A. Mahley.
U.S. Rejects Anti-Germ Warfare Accord (emphasis added)

The greatest generation.

This Boy Is Not Saluting His Father Turns out that John-John was not saluting JFK's coffin when the famous photograph was taken.
Bonus fun Kenneddy fact -- my friend MCR went to law school with JFK, JR. And it only took him 1 try to pass the Bar. (Although, in all fairness to Jr., if I had been dating Daryl Hannah, I might have had some trouble studying too.)

No comment necessary

"I have a cameo role in the movie America's Sweethearts, opening Friday. That said, it is one of the funniest comedies to come down the pike in years."--Larry King, USA Today, July 16, 2001

"Put aside the fact that I make a cameo appearance in the film Dave. Ivan Reitman's latest ... is one of the funniest movies to come down the pike in a long, long time."--King, USA Today, April 26, 1993

"Even though I appear as myself in the coming film Crazy People you'll have to take my objective view that it's one of the funniest movies to come down the pike in a long, long time." --King, USA Today, March 19, 1990

(Thanks to The Hotline's "Last Call!")

I shaved my head this morning. Just thought you'd like to know.

To be serious for a moment: Both of the radio shows I listen to in the late-morning, The Diane Rehm Show (NPR) and The Tony Kornheiser Show (ESPN) were missing their hosts because of Katherine Graham's funeral.

There were two people in Washington whom everybody knew and respected (if not necessarily loved) and everybody referred to by honorific. One was Jack Kent Cooke -- who was always Mr. Cooke -- but he was a really nasty human being, even if he was a good team owner. The other was Katherine Graham. Despite some dubious associtaes (Henry Kissinger!) it seemed like she was a good and warm person, in addition to being a businesswoman, socialite and mover and shaker.

Did I miss the groundswell of support for a third Jurassic Park movie and a remake of Planet of the Apes? I thought not.

They make memorable, suprising and thoughtful gifts.

What's wrong with a Gatorade bottle? Screwing back on the cap.

re: Product under review

What's wrong with a Gatorade bottle? -- Mr.Joel

re: Your correspondent seeking a video from the 1980's

He can't find the vid because it's actually called "Sweet ASS Honey". -- Mr. Joel

The revelations that keep coming out about Gary Condit's personal life proves once again that politics is show business for ugly people.

This is a product I hope I never need. And I'm glad I'm not the guy who wrote this review.

But, y'know, I can see where it might come in handy.

The following is an actual email I received today. I knew that adammagazine.com domain name would come in handy.


Dear Sirs:

I am looking for the Nineteen Video Magazine series on VHS. Volume #13 is
my favorite. Also I am looking for an old XXX video from the late 1980's titled
Sweet As Honey starring Stacey Nichols, Nikki Sinn and Summer Knights. Can you
steer me in the right direction on where I could find those films? Which
websites might be helpful or any other resources?


Sincerely,


Guy Mayer


Volume 13 is his favorite? Volumes 5 and 9 were much better.

The next thing I'm going to learn in HTML -- how to indent.

It turns out that the scurrilous (I love that word!) rumor about Gary Condit was spread by none other than Lucianne Goldberg. This is from The Washington Post:

"Gamy speculation about Gary Condit's alleged sex life by Newsmax.com columnist John LeBoutillier -- who served a single term in the House from Long Island 20 years ago -- was almost immediately killed July 13 by his aghast Newsmax.com editors, but not before being launched through cyberspace in a fantastic voyage from the vast right-wing conspiracy through the vast left-wing conspiracy into the lap of the vast media conspiracy.

Scandal impresario Lucianne Goldberg got the ball rolling last Friday after receiving LeBoutillier's screed headlined "Gays, Bisexuals and Murder" in an e-mail from Tim Case, a 35-year-old cook for a catering company in Cold Spring, N.Y. Goldberg promptly sent it on to a list of lucky recipients including conservative columnists Ann Coulter and Peggy Noonan, Republican opposition research operative Barbara Comstock, New York lawyer George Conway, Women's Quarterly editor Charlotte Hays, Wall Street Journal editorialist John Fund, new CNN chief Walter Isaacson, Fox News anchor Tony Snow and MSNBC gossip columnist Jeanette Walls."

Important Etiquette Tips from your pal Adam

Dear Miss Manners,

"I am an American living in Spain, and I recently had the opportunity to meet the king and queen. Because I am an American, I did not curtsy, but a friend told me that I should have since I am in their country. Who is correct?

Gentle Reader,
If your friend is also an American, you may want to suggest that it is time for home leave. Friendly as we are with Spain, we do not pay obeisance to foreign rulers. One-world enthusiasm is a wonderful thing, but let us hope that she doesn’t get carried away and join some other country’s army.


Bowing to royalty is something quite different from making a charming effort to use the ordinary etiquette customs of the country you are in and of being respectful of their leaders, which Miss Manners trusts that you were. It would be an acknowledgement that you are the king and queen’s subject, which you are not. Your nationality does not change when you travel.

Even if your friend does not know international protocol, you may be sure that the king and queen do. They do not expect Americans to greet them other than as Americans greet American leaders — in a respectful but upright manner."

I guess that also means we have to boo them if they show up at a baseball game.

This week's Elvis Tidbit

POPsmear "While filming the movie Harem Scarum, Elvis refused to leave the house without wearing a turban.

Who can blame him?"

Here's some of the really horrible rumors being spread by Republican activists. I don't get it -- Condit is a Blue Dog (conservative) Democrat who was considered for a Bush cabinet appointment. Yes, its a fascinating story, but at the end of it is probably a corpse.

Media Whores Online "Condit has been known inside the gay community here in D.C. for being a big, big user of gay male prostitutes - especially blacks from the Caribbean who ride motorcycles and love to wear black leather.

"Condit lives in Adams Morgan - a terrible commute to and from the Hill - and it is a notorious neighborhood for gays and bisexuals. "Now, here is the dirty little secret behind the disappearance of Chandra Levy: Condit goes both ways. He likes to get sodomized by male prostitutes before having sex with women. The gay sex turns him on and he can then 'perform' with women.

This website Voice of the Turtle is kind of fun in an intellectual/lefty way. And it gives you today's date in the French Revolutionary calendar.

I'm sure that you've been wondering why George W. reminds me of Marcus Livius Drusus (the younger). Well, I'll tell you. Early in the first century B.C.E. Drusus realized that the Italian cities allied to Rome were getting restless in their second-class status. He introduced legislation that would have made all Italians Roman citizens. He was defeated, and murdered, by Senatorial elements who were hostile for a couple of reasons. In addition to wanting to keep the exclusive status of Roman citizenship, under the social customs of the times, the new citizens would come into the Roman polity as clients of Drusus, and therefore obliged to support him politically. That would have made him far too powerful, at least in the view of his foes.

George W. is now thinking about amnesty for some three million illegal immigrants from Mexico. While I support the idea, it's clear that W. is doing it because Rove thinks that it will oblige Hispanic voters to vote for W. He knows he needs to get a sizeable percentage of the Hispanic vote to legally win election.

Get it now?

Movies That Rock "For Def Leppard, there wasn't any other way out of the English steel town of Sheffield except to play heavy metal - and they weren't going to let drugs, booze, or the loss of their drummer's arm derail the dream."

Def Leppard -- rockers, heroes.

Greg Maddux has won his last 8 decisions and has not allowed a walk in 43 innings. Wow.

Look Ma, no ads!!

Modern Humorist - A Guide to Netiquette Now you know enough about e-mail etiquette to join in the fun. Just remember these simple rules and you won’t go wrong:

1. Always send e-mail as soon as you write it, especially if you’re angry or otherwise emotional.

2. Don’t be selfish—forward those chain letters to your friends and let them in on the good luck!

3. As a general rule, the more emoticons, the better.

Happy e-mailing!

A dark warning for a dark age.

Robert Downey, Jr. is John Cusack's evil twin. Discuss.

President Bush reminds me of Marcus Livius Drusus (the younger). More on this to come.

Do you have what it takes for Survivor 4?

Contestants will be selected based upon having the following traits:

* Strong-willed
* Outgoing
* Adventurous
* Physically and mentally adept
* Adaptable to new environments
* Interesting lifestyles, backgrounds and personalities

Do you realize Becker is still on the air.

When the hstories are written, the 90s will not end, as I thought they would, with the end of the Big Dog's (Clinton) Administration. Just as the 60s went from Kennedy's inauguration through Watergate, and the 80s started with the Reagan assassination attempt (or whatever), I think the 90s will end with the scandal du jour. The Chandra Levy -- Gary Condit mess is the pefect combination of the two greatest stories of the Tabloid decade -- OJ and Monica. Its the grand finale of the fin de siecle.

When did the 90s start? I hear you asking (or maybe it's just the voices.) It started, believe it or not, with poor Paul Rubens. Pee Wee's excellent misadventur has all the hallmarks of the 90s -- the snickering press with its hypocritical sanctimoniousness about sex, wall-to-wall coverage, the feeding frenzy of tabloids, talk shows, and tv news. Not to mention the fact that the whole thing was just plain stupid.

Maybe that's what the 90s was about -- stupidity, 24/7.

God, I'll miss it.

You must follow this link. Making fun of foreigners is cool.

It's just way too beautiful a day to work.

Remember the post where I said I could get rich using colored lights as medical therapy. Turns out I'm at least a couple of decades too late.

Next thing you know people are going to tell me that they've already tried using the shape of the skull as the key to psychology. (This is a link to a web page about modern, scientific phrenology.)

A quote worth repeating: "They told me that a cow fell on top of my husband."

WARNING! SPORTS! WARNING!

I'm actually excited about the Caps now that they have Jaromir Jagr. And that's from somebody who's managed to be almost completely indifferent to the team for as long as its been in existence.

And my beloved Washington football team -- we're going to the Super Bowl!! If, that is, they really sign Mark Rypien.

Salon.com People | Cow falls through roof, hurts 1 - - - - - - - - - - - -

July 11, 2001 | ANKARA, Turkey (AP) -- Ethem Sahin thought his friends were kidding when they told him how he ended up in the hospital.
But they witnessed the cow fall through the roof of the coffee house where they were playing dominoes and knock Sahin unconscious.
"My friends told me later what happened. I couldn't believe it," Sahin told the Anatolia news agency.
Sahin's wife, Rahime, was equally incredulous.
"They told me that a cow fell on top of my husband," she said. "I thought they were kidding me. May God protect us from a worse accident."
Sahin was treated in the hospital for a broken leg and needed seven stitches to his forehead after the freak accident Tuesday in the central Anatolian city of Nevsehir.
The cow apparently wandered from the hillside where it was grazing onto the roof of the coffee house, which was built into the side of the hill.
The cow was not seriously injured.

Superstardom is a fleeting thing. Think back about a year ago. Chris Rock was the comedian of the moment -- the funniest man in America. It was Chris' world, we just lived in it.

But his moment has passed. Now he's just another guy on tv. His connection to the heart of the zeitgeist is gone.

You know who else is like that -- Jesse Ventura. From the time he was elected governor he was the most famous politician, the most sought after talk show guest, the celebrity of the millennium.

Then came the XFL.

He wore out his welcome. He's still famous, still important, but it is now possible to conceive of a world without the boa-wearing solon. He could come back. But it will never be the same. (See, e.g. Eddie Murphy, Newt Gingrich, Jerry Springer).

Extra! Extra! Republicans honor commie spy!!!

G.O.P. Devotees Pay Honor to Whittaker Chambers The passion for Whittaker Chambers burns brightly in the Bush White House.
On the 40th anniversary of his death, Mr. Chambers, the onetime Communist spy who denounced Alger Hiss as a fellow member of an elite Washington espionage cell, was lionized today as a compassionate conservative and loyal Republican. He was remembered at a private event in the Old Executive Office Building organized by a White House aide and prominent Republicans and conservatives.

Denial, anger ...

Salon.com Technology | The day the brands died Even more than the silencing of the sock puppet, or the spectacular crash of Boo.com, the death of Kozmo was a painful event, a watershed moment in the psychology of the economy of diminished expectations. It meant an end to the dot-com dream of instant gratification, constant connection and free stuff. "After sitting at home in my bathrobe, and having some nice man hand me my movie, how can I ever go back to Blockbusters?" asked one woman. "It's like living in a Third World country." Said a young man, a retail clerk: "I'm just so tired now. I'm tired all the time."

Gee, thanks

Bush Has Pharmacy Discount Card Plan (washingtonpost.com)The White House is devising a plan that will offer pharmacy discount cards to all older Americans by the beginning of next year in a new strategy intended to provide the elderly quick help on prescription drug costs.

Bush has also announced a Blockbuster Frequent Renters Program and buy-one-get-one-free on tall Frapuccinos through July 25.

Viva la revolucion!!

ITAG However trepanation doesn't go away. It is ingrained in our history. The ancestors of modern Europeans, the Battle-Ax people, were prodigious trepanners as well as were all other ancient peoples. There is an extensive scientific literature on trepanation both in medicine and anthropology. The risk to benefit ratio would have to have been very favorable for the practice to have been so widely practiced but official investigators haven't been able to see that there is a both a rationale and a benefit to this procedure. There seems to be a deliberate intent amongst them not to see, maybe even a conspiracy, that there is a benefit to making a hole in the skull bone. This is understandable though because if doctors and scientists recognized the benefit they would be obliged to announce to the world that upright walking humans need a hole in the head! It's unlikely that doctors will be stepping forward with this announcement anytime soon so in the meantime the public will have to educate itself and then educate the doctors!

Speaking of SUVs

Charles Peters: Tilting at Windmills, July/August 2001 Another piece of legislation that has been underreported---I found it on the last page of The Wall Street Journal's front section---is a bill sponsored in the House by Rep. John Olver (D-Mass.) and in the Senate by Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.). It would require SUVs to meet the fuel efficiency standards of regular cars. As most of you know, SUVs are classified as trucks and only have to average 20.7 miles to the gallon, whereas regular cars have to average 27.5. Because of the SUVs' popularity, the average fuel efficiency of all cars, which had been increasing for years, is now decreasing at a time when the administration says we have an energy crisis. The press has been good about reporting the downside of the SUV, but it needs to write more about this bill to create public pressure on the White House to support it, even though it's sponsored by Democrats.

This is not something you want to have to buy. Really. Even if it is on Ebay.

"Cadaver Sniffing Dogs" -- great name for a rock group.

My thesis defense is scheduled for August 1. Please email me with words of encouragement.

From the Washington Post:

"The number of sport-utility vehicles on Washington area roads is growing so fast that it will likely push the region over the pollution limits for automobile emissions and force delays in some road-building projects, transportation officials said."

Yeah, but we need our SUV's in Wasington. All that snow and stuff.

Here are some things I don't understand the popularity of: NASCAR, Professional Wrestling, and Hip Hop. Its probably that I'm an effete eastern liberal snob. But its not like I don't embrace a lot of popular culture. I like South Park, Friends, and Star Wars. I've even read and enjoyed Tom Clancy, until he really stopped working at it.

So what are the hallmarks of the type of low culture that an intellectuals (or intellectual wannabe's like me) are allowed to enjoy? I'm going to think about it. Meanwhile read Dwight MacDonald's essay on "Masscult and Midcult" or this article on the Middlebrow.

Here's a photo essay on 16th Street, which is the location of dozens of churches.

"16th Street can seem like the longest street in Washington, D.C. There are no storefronts along its five-mile stretch. Once envisioned as the city's luxury corridor, it was expected that embassies of foreign countries would settle here. Over the years, however, most of the embassies chose Massachusetts Avenue. Churches chose 16th Street.

Today there are dozens of houses of worship: Russian Orthodox, Christian Science, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Baptist, Roman Catholic, Pentecostal, Unitarian. The list includes Trinity A.M.E. Zion, St. George Antiochian Orthodox Christian Church, and Buddhist Congregational Church of America. If Pennsylvania Avenue is home to the nation's politics - and K Street its lobbyists - 16th Street is home to its religions."

Its a good thing I'm so devout.

I'm working on getting rid of the ads on this site. Please, be patient.

Note that what Elvis was doing (see below) was being a Shabbos goy not a "helper" as jewhoo.com says. I don't know why they dropped the "goy." Is it offensive?

Peter Jennings on Fox News -- Who'd believe that he's crazier than Dan Rather?

Media Whores Online ABC's Peter Jennings claims not to recognize the embarrassing right-wing bias of Faux.
But even a high school dropout like Jennings could easily recognize Faux's unfairness and imbalance, so it's more likely he's just pandering like any other whore. Maybe he and Tom Brokaw are battling for the leftover right-wing audience Dan Rather leaves them after drawing most of the normal American viewers.
From the Boston Globe:
[Jennings] said he watches Fox News Channel anchor and former ABC colleague Brit Hume's ''program when I can, and I don't see the bias there.''
''Those of us who went into journalism in the '50s or '60s, it was sort of a liberal thing to do. Save the world,'' he said. ''Conservative voices in the US have not been as present as they might have been and should have been in the media.''

IMPORTANT ELVIS FACT

Jewhoo! Elvis Presley - When Elvis was in high school he served, without pay, as a "Shabbos helper" (did tasks Jews could not do on the Sabbath) for a Memphis synagogue--the synagogue's rabbi and Elvis's family shared a two family home. Since Elvis's family did not have a phone, the rabbi took some calls for them. Including the call to come down to Sun studios for his first recording session. Special note: In a bio, verified by the estate, it is established that Elvis's great-great grandmother was Jewish. Elvis was a devout Christian, himself.

This article by Mark Bowden (who wrote the excellent book Black Hawk Down on the US misadventure in Somalia) is an excellent discussion of the war that's a-brewin' down Colombia-way. It will be nice for those of us too young for Vietnam to have our own war too protest. And in case you were wondering, Colombia isn't covered with easy to maneuver over desert. No its nice old-fashioned unfriendly -to-Americans jungle.

That's right, we're going to end up in a war over drugs and Marxism. If you don't think that's absurd you probably shouldn't be reading this.

It's evidently really true, as reported recently, that a former governor of North Dakota has suggested the state change its name to "Dakota." I guess the idea is to make the state sexier and give it a stronger identity. I think they call it branding.

I've always thought the land o' Fargo should change its name to "South Saskatchewan." Now that's sexy.

While we're at it, I wish my home state would change its name to just plain "Mary."

Another consumer product we don't need:

"What is a P J Square™ ?

An individually wrapped slice of fresh roasted peanut butter on one side, and grape or strawberry spread on the other. It’s the quickest, neatest, easiest way to make a P-nutty an’ Yummy sandwich!"

Why aren't they working on rocket cars and jet packs?

Here's another reason conservatives drive me nuts. In this article Victor Navasky talks about attempts to 1) rehabilitate Joe McCarthy, 2) justify all of the internal excesses of the Cold War, and 3) make everyone on the left out to be traitorous dupes of the Red Menace. I mean really, lets stop trying to justify the execution of the Rosenbergs or rehashing the Alger Hiss case.

That is, unless you let us put Kissinger on trial for war crimes.

And another question: am I the only person on the planet under 40 who knows who Alger Hiss was? Now wouldn't that be an exciting poll on CNN.com.

I just moved onto 16th Street in the District of Columbia. About half a mile north is the Nineteenth Street Baptist Church. Insert your own joke here.

President Bush went to Philadelphia and gave a little speech on Independence Day. Of course, this will be on the tv news and in the papers tomorrow. Is this news though? Does every political photo opportunity deserve major coverage? I guess White House correspondents have to write about something. It certainly seems like news when a correspondent stands outside some historic building and repeats the President's words. But wouldn't we all be better off if they tried reporting instead of parroting?

The best show on television remains Junkyard Wars. It pits two teams of geeks against each other to build machines from scrap -- hovercraft, rockets, and in the finale, car crushing machines. It expects intelligence and wit from its audience.

If you can read this, you are probably a close personal friend.

Adam's weblog -- a new way for me to be ignored by even more people. A whole world wide web of people who can now say "Adam, I just don't care."