See, we Jews can be just as crazy as the goyim.

The following are descriptions of bar and bat mitzvahs. Parties for thirteen year olds. THIRTEEN YEAR OLDS.

13 and Counting: "'We had a kid who was really into 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,' ' James recalls, 'so we had a purple suit made for him, and we hired these people to be Oompa Loompas and they came out and danced. We had these trees with candy all over them, with signs that said 'Do not eat.' It was fantastic.'

For a girl named Lexy, James devised what he called a 'Lex and the City' theme, for which he rented a pink couch that was an actual prop in the similarly named HBO show. For a lad nicknamed Bull -- yes, a Jewish kid called Bull -- he rented a mechanical bull and built a saloon around it."

What's wrong with you gentiles?

I have lived among you for close to 40 years (or 32, if you are a female under 28). And I still don't get it. What is the deal with you goyimand Christmas.

Is it really necessary to have radio stations that play Christmas music continuously from November 1 through, presumably, Groundhog Day? Why is anxiety around the "Holidays" (really, of coursde, Christmas) a big enough deal that talk shows devote time to it, rather than to, say, the war?

I just don't get it.