DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are planning to have a child. We've been told we're an attractive couple, and my husband often mentions what a "good-looking" child we will have. He also discusses the "cute pug nose" that runs on his side of the family.
When I was a teen-ager I had nasal surgery to correct a deviated septum and shorten a rather prominent nose. I've never told my husband about my surgery.
Abby, do you think I should tell him our child may inherit a large, bumped and/or crooked nose -- or take my chances and see what "physical characteristics" our son or daughter inherits? -- LOSING BY A NOSE IN PENNSYLVANIA

Dear Loser:

It's time to pack your bags and your schnozz and get out. You should have already told your husband about your deception -- he now has a suit for marriage under false pretences. Your tainted genes should not mix with his noble line.

--Dr. Crankypants