Dear Ann:

"Edgar" and I are planning to marry in a few months. We both have two children from previous marriages. We want our children to get to know each other better and have decided to take them on a vacation to Europe. We have been saving money for two years and plan to go on the trip next summer.

Our children are in their late teens and early twenties. We told the kids about our plans, and they seemed very excited. We explained that we don't want anyone else to come along, which means no girlfriends or boyfriends. They all agreed to this.

My oldest son recently met a young woman and is now planning to get married at the beginning of next year. We asked him to postpone the date of the wedding until after our trip, but he refused. He wants his new bride to come to Europe with us. Ann, this is causing major problems.

The other children resent that my son has broken our agreement not to include other people. Also, the bonding experience we had hoped for will be ruined since my son and his wife would share a room and spend less time with the rest of us. We had expected to book two rooms at the hotels -- one for the boys and one for the girls. We cannot afford an additional room for my son and his wife, and I cannot imagine that they would agree to be separated.

My friends say the bride should be included because she will be part of the family. Edgar, who is paying for this trip, disagrees. I don't want to leave my son behind, since that defeats the purpose of the family trip as a bonding experience. Can you help us solve this dilemma?

Stressed in California

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